Pictures from Senegal

Tuesday, April 13

100 Things I'm Concerned About

Below are things that have me concerned about leaving my life in Senegal (aka things Senegalese culture is making me do or the type of person I'm changing into):

1) I might start asking everything in the negative form. “You don’t have a pencil I can borrow, do you?”
2) I might have the urge to walk to the Post every week, because I wouldn’t trust them to deliver directly to my door.
3) I might be confused as to why I have so much leg room on my flight home.
4) I might believe that wearing makeup is pointless and time consuming (both application and removal), but then go overboard on holidays.
5) I may continue to shower 3 times a day.
6) I might take afternoon naps, regardless of whether or not I’m supposed to be working.
7) I might correct people’s English mid sentence.
8) I might be prone to hiding beef jerky in my dresser.
9) I may start beeping people (calling and hanging up before they answer, and expecting them to call me back) to save credit- or minutes.
10) I might continue to apply sun block daily like moisturizer.
11) I might walk into a room and comment on whatever you’re doing. Example: “Peace be with you. You are sitting.”
12) I might get pissed and start swearing, but not realize that you can understand my swear words because you DO speak English.
13) I may ask your child to go to the store and buy me something.
14) I might wear flip flops in the shower.
15) I might serve you dessert (instead of a real dinner) if you come over for dinner on a Sunday.
16) I might dance without moving my feet- just knees, hips, and arms.
17) I might call you racist if you don’t say “hello” to me on the street.
18) I might dress my best to go on a road trip.
19) I might carry a water bottle around obsessively. And drink mix packets, too.
20) I may sweep my room daily; carpet or no.
21) I may have to buy an oscillating fan in order to sleep.
22) I might go to the grocery store every day because processed and packaged foods won’t make sense to me. Buying in bulk won’t either.
23) I may carry anti-diarrhea meds and malaria prophylaxis in my purse at all times.
24) I might use a mosquito net as decoration, but also obsessively tuck it in before going to bed.
25) I might take an hour to order a beer, because there are more than 2 types available. And my favorite one won’t be there.
26) I may be pissed there isn’t a flashlight function on the end of my phone.
27) I might eat rice every day for lunch.
28) I may say things in a language you won’t understand.
29) I might miss spell every word in the English language.
30) I may bring you fruit if I leave town and come back.
31) I might be confused if on holidays we do more than sit in chairs staring at the ground.
32) I may offer to help pay for the rented sound system for your child’s baptism.
33) I may play my music 20 decibels too loud.
34) I might be confused if the rooster crows only at dawn.
35) I might never use a dryer again.
36) I might not buy a TV, because the screen would be too big for my eyes. And also because my computer will travel with me.
37) I might miss bissap, tamarin, and bouie juices.
38) I might be addicted to MSG.
39) I may blatantly lie about why I didn’t call you back because I’ll think you can’t dispute me.
40) I might be fashionably late to everything.
41) I may be uncomfortable using toilet paper.
42) I might make a clucking noise in the place of verbal agreement or nodding.
43) I may spend ten minutes restating something someone else has already said, because I agree with them.
44) I might try to negotiate prices at the grocery store, or maybe even Target. Definitely with cabs.
45) I might not notice when flies land on me.
46) I may stop to talk to complete strangers for long periods of time on the street.
47) I might not realize someone is hitting on me if they aren’t asking me to marry them within the first 5 minutes of conversation.
48) I might look around for the screwdriver in order to roll down the car window.
49) I may tickle your palm with my finger secretly during a hand shake to indicate wanting to sleep with you.
50) I might be deathly afraid of the rain.
51) I might dig a hole in order to bury the carcass if you tell me we are eating a large game animal for a meal.
52) I may put up post it notes of vocabulary in multiple languages.
53) I might burn my trash.
54) I might use the same piece of cloth for a sheet, robe, towel, blanket or skirt.
55) I may be overly paranoid when someone gets a fever.
56) I might think a spaghetti sandwich is normal.
57) I might not respond to my American name.
58) I might expect to be able to shop during traffic jams… and be upset when I can’t.
59) I may comment about the weather in every conversation.
60) I might wear a belly chain with beads because I’ll think it’s sexy.
61) I may call you just to say “Hello.” And then just hang up after without saying goodbye.
62) I may treat every meal like an eating contest to see who can finish first. I will not speak during this contest.
63) I may filter my water forevermore.
64) I may eat an unhealthy amount of mangos.
65) I might not hate children as much as I did when I left. Or I might hate them more. It’s still unclear.
66) I might be used to the sound of children getting beaten and therefore get rejected when applying for a job at child protective services.
67) I might beat your kids if they don’t greet me.
68) I might have to buy a whole new wardrobe, as I’m sure nothing will fit anymore.
69) I might not be deathly afraid of mice.
70) I may appreciate that lizards eat all the other bugs I hate.
71) I may come to believe that climate control in a motor vehicle means ability to roll down the window.
72) I may hang curtains in the back seats of my next car, in order to keep out the sun and heat.
73) I may think that stickers of old men I don’t know are a valuable art form that should be displayed both in the house and all over my car.
74) I might be confused when the next election happens promptly and there are legitimate opposing candidates to the current president.
75) I might wear what you will assume to be my pajamas in public.
76) I might prefer large bulky metal jewelry that incorporates the shape of balls.
77) I may ask everyone I meet if they have a husband/ wife- and if not offer to set them up.
78) I might forget the meaning of personal space.
79) I may confuse a gay couple for brothers or sisters, because I might forget that gay is an actual preference and not something that “DOES NOT EXIST.”
80) I might repeat your last name 5 to 10 times when I see you because I think it is a sign of respect.
81) I may secretly text someone else if I decide to spend the night anywhere other than my house; and I will think it’s for my own safety.
82) I may expect to hear about public demonstrations and riots throughout the country via text message.
83) I might be confused if, when asked how you are. you reply with anything other than “I’m here” or “I’m in peace only.”
84) I may add an insane amount of sugar to my coffee, tea and juices.
85) I might find a way to add onions to every meal.
86) I might obsessively keep notes on blog ideas.
87) I might complain that US currency is not color and size coded.
88) I may tell you that you know nothing if you do not understand something I try to explain.
89) I may be nervous and panicked when left alone.
90) I may likely change all my cloths regardless of who is in the room, and without closing the door.
91) I might try to order café Touba (which tastes like a mixture of chai tea and coffee) at Starbucks.
92) I may complain that there is a serious lack of decent tailors.
93) I might assume that although you live near water, you have no idea how to swim.
94) I may sit on the floor when you have me over and tell me dinner is ready.
95) I might leave my shoes on when entering the house, but take them off when entering the sitting room.
96) I might be depressed when the power goes out, assuming I won’t be able to sleep at night.
97) I might have a stock pile of candles and matches, because I assume the power will go out.
98) I might take time off of work to celebrate holidays according to other religions.
99) I might be disappointed that I can’t go to church to listen to good music and tune out the rest.
100) I might miss Senegal.

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